Living with Scleroderma

Reflections on the Messy Complexity of Chronicity

hands

Aches and Pains

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It’s another beautiful fall day here in Central Massachusetts. I should go for a walk. But instead, I feel like complaining. My left thumb hurts. There is not just one pit of calcium starting to poke out of the inflamed ulcer. Now that the infection is clearing, I’ve discovered that there are actually two ulcers close together, each with a calcium pit at its center. And my eyes are glopping up with mucus because of Sjogrens and dry heat and possible allergies to leaf mold, of which there is plenty as our maples shed. And my right hip is bothering me for some reason.

Okay, that’s the list. Do I feel any better? Maybe.

When you live with a chronic disease like scleroderma, there is always plenty to complain about. The question is always how much to say, and to whom? I figure it’s okay to rant a bit here, Dear Reader, since you either live with all these issues yourself and get it, or you care about someone who does. But I have found over decades of living with scleroderma that most people, when they ask you how you’re doing, don’t really want a full inventory of your aches and pains. If you do share, then chances are that the listener will launch into all of their aches and pains or will tell you all about someone else they know with similar aches and pains. It inevitably turns into a game of can-you-top-this, which I do not care to play. So I usually keep my issues to myself.

When my sister and I were young, our family would visit our grandparents in Cincinnati for the holidays. As the only kids there (both our parents were only children, so no close cousins) we often ended up listening to our elders complain about all their aches and pains. Our running joke was to wonder when they would pass around their X-rays. (They never did.)

I have a lot more empathy for that crowd now that I’m their age. We all need to share what troubles or ails us. It’s a matter of determining which family and friends both truly care and know how to listen without competing for who has it worse. Finding those people is a great gift.

And so, Dear Reader, thank you for listening to all my rants and musings. I’m glad that you’re there. Be well.

Evelyn Herwitz blogs weekly about living fully with chronic disease, the inside of baseballs, turtles and frogs, J.S. Bach, the meaning of life and whatever else she happens to be thinking about at livingwithscleroderma.com. Please view Privacy Policy here.

Image: Gratisography

At Summer’s End

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Labor Day has now passed, alas. The school year has already commenced in our fair city. Once again traffic is heavier on the Mass Pike when I drive into Boston for medical appointments and other events, always a sure sign that vacation season is over.

Time for sweaters and jackets and warm pants. I still leave the bedroom windows cracked at night, but not as wide open as in recent weeks. The heat has not switched on, yet, but it won’t be long before I’ll need it to get out of bed in the morning.

I won’t miss this summer’s sweltering heat and humidity. But I will, as always, miss the comfort of being able to walk outside without multiple layers of clothing. I won’t miss blasting air conditioning in public spaces that triggers my Raynaud’s and dries out my eyes. But I will, once again, miss the long hours of sunlight and the ease of wearing sandals.

New England has been my home for more than 40 years, now, and I still love living here, despite the prospect of another cold winter. I will adjust, as always, to the seasonal shift into fall. I always revel in October’s colors, the stark light of late November, and the pristine blanket of winter’s first snowfall.

In praise of temperate climates, here’s a link to a recording of Antonio Vivaldi’s The Four Seasons. Even as I’ll grumble as sunlight dwindles, there is still much to be grateful for.

Evelyn Herwitz blogs weekly about living fully with chronic disease, the inside of baseballs, turtles and frogs, J.S. Bach, the meaning of life and whatever else she happens to be thinking about at livingwithscleroderma.com. Please view Privacy Policy here.

Image: zero take

Down to Three

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One of the best things about summer is that my finger ulcers tend to heal. For months I was dealing with as many as six bandaged fingers, changing those bandages twice daily. It took at least a half-hour each time I changed dressings and used up a lot of bandages.

Now, happily, I’m down to three: both thumbs, which are always a problem no matter what time of year, and my right index finger, which is nearly healed up. The thumbs are an issue because they contain so many calcium pits. If you look at an X-ray of my hands, each thumb contains a long chain of calcinosis. The index finger had a big piece of calcium that finally popped out about a month or so ago, then another fragment emerged last week. But it’s closing.

All those hot, hot days in recent weeks have been really helpful, even if the heat is exhausting. Thank goodness.

I see the team at our hospital’s Wound Clinic about every two months, and they were impressed. They also gave me a kind of crystalline medical grade honey it to try. It helps to break down the thick tissue that forms on the inside of my thumbs. You just have to be judicious using it, because I have found in the past with medical grade honey that it can make things worse if you overdo it. But it sure smells good.

So, here’s to summer. I hope those of you in the northern hemisphere are enjoying it, despite the wildfires, intense storms, and heat waves. We need to savor it while we can.

Image: Alexander Mils

And now for some shameless self-promotion. . . . My sincere thanks to all who participated in the cover poll for my forthcoming novel, Line of Flight. More than 400 people voted, and this cover won by a large margin. I’m thrilled, because it was my favorite, too.

And now I’m pleased to announce that my book is available for pre-order. It publishes on November 17, this fall. Pre-orders help the book to get higher rankings on online seller sites, so more people find it. Here are the details and links for pre-orders.

Thanks for your encouragement and support!

Evelyn Herwitz blogs weekly about living fully with chronic disease, the inside of baseballs, turtles and frogs, J.S. Bach, the meaning of life and whatever else she happens to be thinking about at livingwithscleroderma.com. Please view Privacy Policy here.

 

Yes, You Can Get TSA PreCheck Without a Full Set of Fingerprints

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Memorial Day weekend is over, so that means unofficial summer has arrived (even if it doesn’t feel that way on a chilly afternoon). Al and I will be traveling again soon, and I am looking forward to getting away.

In preparation, I was at AAA recently and noticed a sign for TSA PreCheck®. Unbeknownst to me, our local AAA can do those applications. I had always thought that I had to go into Boston’s Logan International Airport to apply, a major disincentive.

The main reason I had never applied, however, was that you need to be fingerprinted. With all my bandages and skin grafts on my fingers, I thought that was impossible, so why bother?

So I asked about it. And it turns out that the process can accommodate people with hand disabilities. Which had never occurred to me, but is both obvious and appropriate. I made appointments for both of us, and last Monday we went to AAA to apply.

To do the fingerprints, they use a huge tablet. You need to press your fingers onto the screen, and as long as enough of an image is captured, you’re all set. Even if your fingerprints don’t work, or you are missing the primary fingers they want to use (thumbs and index fingers), they can enter an explanation that by-passes the requirement.

In my case, thumbs were out (bandages), as was my right index finger (bandage), and the left index finger is too bent to lie flat on the tablet. But they were able to capture prints from my ring fingers and pinkies on both hands.

A few days later, we received emails that our applications had been accepted. Now we have our TSA PreCheck ID numbers, which I just have to enter on our airlines reservations. Who knew it would be this easy?

I’ll be taking a break over the next few weeks and will have lots to report later in June. In the meantime, be well, Dear Reader.

Evelyn Herwitz blogs weekly about living fully with chronic disease, the inside of baseballs, turtles and frogs, J.S. Bach, the meaning of life and whatever else she happens to be thinking about at livingwithscleroderma.com. Please view Privacy Policy here.

Image: Arthur Mazi

700-plus

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I didn’t realize it at the time, but at the end of December, I wrote my 700th post on this site. I launched Living with Scleroderma on January 3, 2012, and have been posting nearly every week since, with time off for good behavior when on vacation.

That’s a lot of posts. While there always seems to be plenty to write about all the daily challenges of this complex disease, my goal since the beginning has been to emphasize the living over the scleroderma. Whether it is this autoimmune disease or another chronic condition, the biggest challenge of all is to understand that you are much more than your diagnosis. It is a part of you, certainly, and commands all too much attention some days. But I strive not to let my scleroderma define me.

Writing about it weekly, a good discipline in itself, has really helped me to maintain that perspective. Most days, even as I’ll curse like a sailor when I accidentally bang one of my fingers, right where the calcium is pushing just below the skin or at the jagged bone at the tip of my resorbed digits, I don’t really think about it. Scleroderma is a demanding presence in my life, but it doesn’t own me.

Because I can’t let it.

And so, Dear Reader, some of whom have been with me for the past 14 years, thanks for your interest, your comments, and your encouragement. May we all live the fullest lives we are able. Each day is a gift.

Evelyn Herwitz blogs weekly about living fully with chronic disease, the inside of baseballs, turtles and frogs, J.S. Bach, the meaning of life and whatever else she happens to be thinking about at livingwithscleroderma.com. Please view Privacy Policy here.

Image: Beth Macdonald