Living with Scleroderma

Reflections on the Messy Complexity of Chronicity

resilience

What Next?

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Somewhere I read recently a recommendation that resonated, a way to manage stress. The concept was to “shorten your horizon.” The idea is not to stop setting goals or making plans or other future-oriented tasks. Rather, it’s about adjusting how far to look down the road in anticipation of events.

Given all the scary news of late, this seems like a sound approach to coping. Given, also, that I have a fiction writer’s imagination—both a blessing and a curse—I find this appealing. If I focus only a week ahead, rather than a month or six months, or a year, or, good grief, even beyond that, I have a much clearer grasp on what is more likely to happen, how I might be affected, what I can and cannot influence, and how to adjust expectations and plans accordingly.

Of course, reality has a way of throwing all of that into the hopper. The only truth we ever know is what is happening in this moment. And living fully in the present is truly the only way to find fulfillment in each day.

Which is why shortening your horizon can help you stay more in the present. If your mind is not always preoccupied with the future, especially the far future, you aren’t as distracted from appreciating what’s in front of you—particularly relevant with so much trouble in the world.

This is also an essential skill set for coping with a chronic disease like scleroderma. You need to learn what to watch for, seek out excellent medical advice, follow your treatment plan, but also appreciate what each day brings. Years ago, when I was first diagnosed, I decided I didn’t want to know the odds of survival, which turned out to be one of my best instincts. At the time, the expectation was about seven years, a terrifying prospect. I intuitively learned to focus on a shorter horizon back then, because to do otherwise would have been paralyzing.

So, here I am again, relearning that same lesson, as it applies to life in a tumultuous world. It’s second nature for how I manage my scleroderma. Now I just have to figure out how to master that outlook for events even farther beyond my control.

It’s a work in progress.

Evelyn Herwitz blogs weekly about living fully with chronic disease, the inside of baseballs, turtles and frogs, J.S. Bach, the meaning of life and whatever else she happens to be thinking about at livingwithscleroderma.com. Please view Privacy Policy here.

Image: Nicole Avagliano

Serenity Break

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I am way over the top with too much stress in the world. I suspect you are, too. So last Friday, I was very glad to attend a meeting at a beautiful Massachusetts Audubon sanctuary. This was a gathering of people who are working on ways to mitigate climate change and engage our communities in sustainable, resilient practices, not just in our home cities and towns, but for our entire county in Central Massachusetts. Always good to get together with good-hearted, civically involved folks who are committed to improving our neck of the woods.

But the best part of the meeting was the setting. You don’t need to drive far here to get out of the city and find some beautiful scenery. And in this case, grazing sheep.

So, Dear Reader, I share with you this picture I took, to remind myself of the wonderful, calming a-h-h-h I felt, being there. Hope it gives you a window of calm, too.


Evelyn Herwitz blogs weekly about living fully with chronic disease, the inside of baseballs, turtles and frogs, J.S. Bach, the meaning of life and whatever else she happens to be thinking about at livingwithscleroderma.com. Please view Privacy Policy here.

Checking Up

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Since I’ve returned home from our trip to Germany, I’ve had a lot of doctor’s appointments. Not because I’ve had an emergency or other complications. Just because my schedule fell out this way. Every so often during the year, the appointments stack up, like planes over Logan.

So, I’ve had an echocardiogram at BMC, a follow-up with my periodontist about my tooth extraction and pending implant, a check-up with my BMC pulmonologist #1 who follows me for interstitial lung disease, a check-up with my NP gynocologist, and a meeting with my new local rheumatologist, since my previous one left the practice. Later this week I have a check-up with my BMC rheumatologist, and next week appointments with my BMC pulmonologist #2 who follows me for Type 2 pulmonary hypertension, and with my podiatrist on the South Shore who saves my feet. I have a bookmark sticky note in my planner to remember to schedule a few tests for the fall, before the next round of visits.

Then I get a break for a few months, assuming all goes well.

It’s a lot of driving and time, and it can get tedious and exhausting. This is a complex disease that involves a lot of details and coordination of care. But I’m grateful that I have an outstanding team in place here at home and an hour-or-so-depending-on-traffic-away in Boston and environs. I’ve been dealing with scleroderma and its various manifestations for more than four decades, so it’s just all part of the rhythms of my life.

I’m also grateful that our gerontology team makes house-calls.

Stay well, all.

Evelyn Herwitz blogs weekly about living fully with chronic disease, the inside of baseballs, turtles and frogs, J.S. Bach, the meaning of life and whatever else she happens to be thinking about at livingwithscleroderma.com. Please view Privacy Policy here.

Image: Kelsy Gagneben

Rough Patch

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So, what I thought was “just” allergies last week turned out to be more complicated. When our geriatrics nurse practitioner came to our home for a check-up last week, she carefully listened to my lungs and informed me that I had not developed bronchitis, as I’d thought. No, I had pneumonia.

What? That was not on my bingo card. Glad she caught it before it got even worse. I started antibiotics that afternoon, and within a few days I was starting to feel like myself again. Thank goodness, because I was getting pretty worried about where all this was headed.

Also, on Monday night I had my acting class performance—first time on stage since elementary school, a scene from Tennessee Williams’s The Glass Menagerie. We’ve been rehearsing for months, and I sure didn’t want to have to miss it. (I’m writing on Monday afternoon, so fingers crossed all goes well.)

Next on the medical agenda is a tooth extraction on Wednesday and prep for another implant. So, yet another reason I need to get past this whole respiratory episode. The tooth is definitely failing, getting more sensitive, so it really can’t wait much longer.

Then on Thursday, it’s back to the Wound Clinic to check on my slowly healing ulcer. It’s improving gradually, but needs a lot of TLC.

When all that’s done, I need to get my spring Covid vax, I hope on Friday, if all goes according to plan. We’re traveling again soon, so all this has to be wrapped up by the end of the week.

Meanwhile, Al caught whatever I had that wasn’t allergies, and is doing better but still recovering.

Of course, it could always be worse. But this has been one rough patch. Here’s hoping we’re both finally on the mend.

Evelyn Herwitz blogs weekly about living fully with chronic disease, the inside of baseballs, turtles and frogs, J.S. Bach, the meaning of life and whatever else she happens to be thinking about at livingwithscleroderma.com. Please view Privacy Policy here.

Image: Nik

Good Grief

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I really could use a break, right about now. It’s gorgeous outside, a medley of pink and white blossoms, chartreuse young leaves, sunny forsythias, bright red tulips, dainty violets. But I can’t go outside for my walks to revel in spring’s beauty because I’m having one monster allergic reaction to all the associated pollen. I think maple trees are the main culprit, because this happens to me every year, now, when they start to flower. I have been congested and coughing for more than a week.

This is complicated by the fact that I can’t take any OTC decongestants because they will raise my blood pressure. Antihistamines help, as do expectorants and cough surpressants, but it’s really not enough. Can’t use saline rinses because they tend to make my nose bleed. Very frustrating. Had to skip a theater performance this weekend because I was coughing so much, I didn’t want to be THAT annoying audience member.

Then there is the latest dental issue. I’ve written over the years of how I have a delightful complication of scleroderma that causes the roots of my teeth to resorb. Every few years another one gives out, and I have to start the long and expensive process of getting another implant. A few weeks ago, one more tooth that my dentist has been monitoring for years decided that its time is up. The extraction is scheduled for next Wednesday, giving me a week to recover before some planned travel.

At least my left index finger is slowly healing. Two visits to our hospital’s Wound Clinic were very helpful, and between steroid ointment to reduce the inflammation and some petroleum-jelly-infused wound dressing, it is inching along. But it requires a lot more patience than I’ve been feeling, of late. Like I said, I really could use a break from all this mishegas.

And so, Dear Reader, thanks for letting me rant. It’s just been one of those days.

Evelyn Herwitz blogs weekly about living fully with chronic disease, the inside of baseballs, turtles and frogs, J.S. Bach, the meaning of life and whatever else she happens to be thinking about at livingwithscleroderma.com. Please view Privacy Policy here.