Living with Scleroderma

Reflections on the Messy Complexity of Chronicity

Sjogren's syndrome

Sew-sew

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I’ve had some sewing projects in mind for months—in particular, a dress that I sewed up last summer in a test fabric that I liked so much, I’ve been wearing it on hot days. It would look lovely and feel great in a very soft purple cotton blend that I’ve had in my fabric stash for, literally, decades.

So, with my digital ulcers doing better (summer bonus), though still bandaged, on July 4th I took the afternoon to cut out the pattern pieces. (I use a rotary blade for precision and ease of handling.) In so doing, I realized this would be a tricky project, because the fabric is so soft that it slips and stretches if I’m not careful.

Yesterday it was quite hot outside, in the 90s, so I had to put on the A/C. We have heat pumps that double as air conditioners, and they blow cooled air. Very effective, but with my Sjogren’s, they also dry my eyes even more than normal. But I had the time to start sewing, and I set to work.

It took me about a half hour to thread my serger, and more time to diagnose an issue with my sewing machine, which kept jamming until I realized that the thread had jumped one of the guide loops. The first dart sewed up perfectly. The second slipped despite pinning it in place (a challenge with bandaged fingers) and I had to remove stitches and redo it twice more. But I was not discouraged.

Four more seams on the serger sewed up nicely. I pressed everything carefully and moved on to the next step, a bias-bound neckline. And here’s where I ran into trouble.

When I made the test version, on more stable cotton, I was able to easily manipulate the material and sew it perfectly. But this fabric was a whole other animal. Using the same approach as last time was, simply put, a mess. I couldn’t control the fabric, my stitching was uneven, and I quit two-thirds of the way through the process because I realized it would not work.

Part of the problem was my hands—I could not feel the fabric through bandages in order to guide it in place. And part of the problem was my eyes—so dried from the A/C that my vision was blurring. Even using a small focused light wasn’t enough help.

So, with some difficulty I pulled out the stitches and put the project down. I have an idea of how to fix it, and enough left-over fabric, if needed. But if there’s one thing I’ve learned over the years, it’s to stop when I’m frustrated, set the problem aside, and give myself time to rethink my approach. It’s really hot again for the next couple of days, so I’ll need to take both my very dry eyes and my hands into account.

But I will finish the dress.

Evelyn Herwitz blogs weekly about living fully with chronic disease, the inside of baseballs, turtles and frogs, J.S. Bach, the meaning of life and whatever else she happens to be thinking about at livingwithscleroderma.com. Please view Privacy Policy here.

No Easy Fix

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So, here’s what I learned at my optometrist last week, with a thanks to all who expressed concern and good wishes:

My blurry vision is due to the fact that my eyes simply don’t make enough tears, the result of Sjögren’s Syndrome that I’ve had for decades. The relief I’ve gotten from using EvoTears, which form a moisture-trapping film over my eyes, is real, but not enough to keep my corneas truly healthy. So, especially in my right eye, which is more blurred, my vision is effectively analogous to looking through a dirty car windshield. This isn’t cataracts. It’s Sjögren’s. And there’s no point in updating my eyeglasses prescription until my corneas heal, because I can’t get an accurate assessment of any vision changes right now.

The other important fact I learned: The Restasis drops (standard treatment for dry eyes) that I use before the EvoTears are in a castor oil suspension. I need to wait a half-hour between the two eye drops, or I’m effectively trapping the castor oil in my eyes. This explains some of the irritation I’ve been experiencing. So, that’s an easy fix.

My optometrist gave me samples of a varenicline solution nasal spray, which I’ve used before, that stimulates tears, to see if this in combination with both eye drops will help. There are two issues with this approach: First, the spray helps, not not markedly, so far. Second, the nasal spray is outrageously expensive, available only by prescription, and not covered by my insurance.

So, I’m back to finding a way to tolerate the scleral lenses. He checked both lenses for me, and there are no scratches, so however I injured my eye a few months ago was some kind of fluke in the way I inserted the left one. I will need to keep the lenses in at least four hours a day, four to five days a week, to really heal my corneas and maintain them.

With six fingers in bandages right now, including that left ring finger still healing from a lost nail and an infection, that’s a challenge. So, I’ll just need to tough it out with the medications I have until I have better dexterity again. (As a side note, I’m typing with just my left pinky on the left hand right now, and somehow I’ve learned to type by touch and don’t have to look at the keyboard. So, that’s some progress!)

If there is any advantage from dealing with scleroderma and its sidekick diseases for more than 40 years, it’s this: I know my body does eventually heal from assaults like this. It just takes time and a lot of patience and vigilance. As the weather warms and my hands improve in their seasonal cycle, I should be able to master the lenses again and find the right balance. I’m grateful that I have access to excellent care and medications and the scleral lenses, even if they are difficult to deal with. The alternative is much, much worse.

Evelyn Herwitz blogs weekly about living fully with chronic disease, the inside of baseballs, turtles and frogs, J.S. Bach, the meaning of life and whatever else she happens to be thinking about at livingwithscleroderma.com. Please view Privacy Policy here.

Image: Unsplash+

All a Blur

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It’s a good thing I’m seeing my eye doctor this week for my very dry eyes. For several months, I’ve been struggling with blurred vision, and it is getting worse—to the point where it’s affecting my ability to read easily and see the computer screen clearly. This could be due to one or a combination of factors:

  • My eyeglasses need a new prescription. Definitely a part of the mix.
  • My Sjogrens is getting worse. Also possible.
  • The house is very dry, which is not helping. And no, we don’t use a humidifier, because we still have old fashioned radiators and baseboard heat and heat pumps, all of which are drying for my eyes. Plus, a room humidifier is a pain to keep clean and not that effective. But I need a warm house to manage my Raynauds, especially in recent weeks when it has been extremely cold here.
  • I’m having a reaction to my EvoTears eye drops, which up to this point have been nothing short of a miracle. They form a protective film on my eyes that retains moisture. However, blurred vision can be a side effect. Really hoping this is not the issue.
  • I have some kind of underlying allergy or infection in my eyes that is causing them to get goopy and blurry.

I am as meticulous with eye care as I am with my hands. I use gentle eye drops to clear them in the morning, then wash around my eyelids with warm water and a dot of baby shampoos to clear the tear ducts, then use Restasis for dry eyes, then the EvoTears. At night, I do another drop of Restasis and then use an overnight eye gel. This has worked well for a long time. But something has shifted. My vision is fine when I complete my morning routine but soon blurs, as if my eyes are making another filmy substance that interferes with my sight.

My eye doctor, who runs the dry eye clinic at a local college that teaches state-of-the-art optometry, has been a genius at diagnosing my symptoms and helping me find solutions, including the EvoTears, which I order from Europe, because they require an expensive prescription here but are sold OTC there.

My appointment is tomorrow. It can’t come a day too soon. Will report back when I have some answers.

Evelyn Herwitz blogs weekly about living fully with chronic disease, the inside of baseballs, turtles and frogs, J.S. Bach, the meaning of life and whatever else she happens to be thinking about at livingwithscleroderma.com. Please view Privacy Policy here.

Image: Nigel Hoare

The Eyes Have It

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Scleroderma is complex enough on its own, but Sjogren’s Syndrome, which can accompany scleroderma, adds yet another layer of complexity. Sjogren’s is also an autoimmune disease, which typically presents with dry eyes and dry mouth but can cause other internal organ issues. I’ve lived with this for decades alongside scleroderma, and I take medication that manages the dry mouth component. But the dry eyes piece is a whole other challenge.

So I was really thrilled to discover a new (here in the U.S., at least) eye-drop that my dry eye specialist recommended. EvoTears® (Augentropfen) is unlike any eye-drop I’ve used previously. You can barely feel the drops when you use them (which makes it a bit tricky to know if you’ve actually succeeded in getting them in your eyes). As my optometrist explained, they strengthen the oil layer of natural tear film to keep the watery part of tears from evaporating. Given that my eyes barely make tears anymore, I was hopeful.

And the drops work. Brilliantly. The first day I tried them, I actually forgot about my eyes for the whole day, a first in a very long time as my eyes have gotten drier. (As in, even if I need to cry, I rarely can—especially uncomfortable when slicing onions.) I was able to read for several hours without discomfort, to work at my computer without discomfort, even take a walk on a windy day without discomfort.

Over the weekend, I experimented with using them before inserting my scleral lenses, and they seem to keep the area of my eyes beyond the lenses moisturized and more comfortable, a big plus.

However, there is a catch.

EvoTears are only available by prescription in the U.S. A one month supply with my Medicare insurance costs about $180. Meanwhile, in Europe (they are made in Germany), they are sold over the counter and cost about one-tenth of that co-pay.

My optometrist advised me to look on EBay, and sure enough, I found a supplier in Greece. The cost, including shipping, was about $60. My drops arrived within a month of my order (much sooner than the 2-3 month estimate), wrapped in white plastic tape printed with large red Greek letters (no idea what they meant) and a form that stated the shipment had passed U.S. Customs (thank goodness). I had to sign for them.

And so, on our next trip abroad, I will be on the lookout for EvoTears. Meanwhile, I’ll be ordering more from Greece. And maybe at some point in the not-too-distant future, the U.S. healthcare complex will find a way to make these as affordable here as they are abroad.

Not holding my breath.

Evelyn Herwitz blogs weekly about living fully with chronic disease, the inside of baseballs, turtles and frogs, J.S. Bach, the meaning of life and whatever else she happens to be thinking about at livingwithscleroderma.com. Please view Privacy Policy here.

Image: Ed Leszczynski

Spring at Last

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On Sunday, I walked outside without a coat for the first time this year. What a blessing, especially after feeling so cooped up 10 days ago with Covid. It’s been spring on the calendar for more than a month, but this was the first day that really felt springy.

As far as I can tell, I’m done with the virus. Whatever lingering sinus congestion (mild) is now attributable to allergies (the downside of spring). When I went for a routine pulmonary function test on Friday, at first the respiratory tech was not sure if she could administer it to me, given my recent Covid experience. But fortunately she was able to check with the hospital’s chief of infectious diseases, who agreed with my expectation that, given revised CDC protocols, I was free and clear.

(In case you’re not aware, the new guidance basically says that after 24 hours free of fever without OTC meds and no symptoms, you can go out masked. After five days of masking, you no longer need the mask, which is where I was on Friday, eight days from no symptoms, thanks to Paxlovid.)

I completed the test, which is never easy at this point, but the good news was that my diffusion rate (not stellar) had not really changed—which has been the case for several years now. So that was encouraging.

And a relief after my other health debacle last week—skillfully scratching my cornea in my right eye on Thursday when I was putting in my scleral lenses. I wasn’t sure, at first, why my eye was bothering me with the lens in place, because it bathes my eye in saline. But once I removed it, my eye continued to smart, and going outside in bright sunshine was truly uncomfortable.

Don’t try driving with a scratched cornea. I did okay, but my eye was tearing and I could barely keep it open. Bad idea. Very bad idea. Back home, after flushing my eye with drops, I used some eye gel and covered my eye with gauze and paper tape for several hours, which made it tolerable.

Fortunately, on Friday, before the PFT, I saw a specialist at the local college eye clinic, who assessed it and thought I was on the mend, though he was prepared to do an emergency debridement if need be. Thank goodness that wasn’t necessary. And I was fine by the weekend.

So, all the more reason to be glad to walk outside without a coat or a jacket or even a sweater on Sunday. No more Covid. No more eye pain. Just sun and flowers and blooming buds on our new cherry tree. A good way to begin a new week.

Evelyn Herwitz blogs weekly about living fully with chronic disease, the inside of baseballs, turtles and frogs, J.S. Bach, the meaning of life and whatever else she happens to be thinking about at livingwithscleroderma.com. Please view Privacy Policy here.