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Reflections on the Messy Complexity of Chronicity

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mindfulness

Barbie Land

Evelyn Herwitz · August 15, 2023 · 4 Comments

On Sunday, my older daughter and I went to see Barbie, which, in case you’re not into pop culture, is a movie by director Greta Gerwig about the iconic fashion doll’s existential identity crisis when she confronts the “real” world. Starring Margot Robbie as Stereotypical Barbie and Ryan Gosling as Ken, the film opens with an homage to Stanley Kubrick’s 2001: A Space Odyssey and romps off from there. It’s a hoot. We had a great time.

There’s been a host of critics who’ve reviewed the summer blockbuster, predictably commenting from either side of our culture divide about Gerwig’s feminist message. But I’m not going to get into that here. What I want to write about is one of the underlying notions of the film, that Barbie has been an aspirational toy for young girls since the ’60s, with all kinds of Barbies cast as everything from astronauts (1965, way ahead of NASA) to astrophysicists. Apparently toy-maker Mattel has created more than 200 jobs for Barbie, including U.S. President.

Years ago, when my sister and I played with her Barbies and my Ken doll, that phase of Barbie Land did not yet exist. This was in the early ’60s. We created doll rooms in the bottom three shelves of a bookcase that our dad had built years prior, originally to store his huge LP record collection. The furniture didn’t fit the dolls’ proportions, but we didn’t care much. We were more interested in the family intrigue that my sister would narrate, particularly the conflicts between ponytail Barbie (one of the originals, and yes, she came dressed in that black-and-white strapless bathing suit and sunglasses) and bubble-cut Barbie (bouffant blonde hair), whom my sister named Alice and deemed Barbie’s evil twin.

I could not keep up with my sister’s plots and offer my own. She was an avid reader and two years older, and she came up with all kinds of story lines that were beyond me. I don’t recall much else, other than I preferred to change Ken’s outfits (already, I loved fashion) more than figure out what was going to happen next.

And the clothes were fabulous. Back then, they were made from beautiful fabrics, satin and wool and cotton, with tiny working metal zippers and miniature buttons. No synthetics. Real pleats in Barbie’s tennis skirt and satin stripes on Ken’s tuxedo.

My Ken was not one of those dolls with the plastic molded blonde hair. No, he had brown flocked hair, which unfortunately rubbed off when I struggled to put on his red football pads under his red-and-white football jersey. So I occasionally would repair his bald spots with a burnt sienna Crayola crayon, which seemed to do the trick.

Eventually, I got Skipper (Barbie’s little sister), and she was fun to play with, but Ken was always my favorite. My sister got Midge (Barbie’s best friend), but unlike the later version of that Mattel doll, who apparently was supposed to be pregnant, this Midge had the same voluptuous figure as Barbie, reddish brown hair with bangs, and freckles.

Our dolls could not move their knees or elbows. They could wave their arms up and down and do splits, but when they sat, their legs went straight out. Often, they’d fall to one side, seated.

It didn’t matter. I enjoyed the clothes, and my sister made up dramatic, entertaining stories that had nothing to do with Barbie’s careers. And when the time came to move on from Barbie Land, we packed each doll and outfit into individual plastic bags and stored them carefully. I inherited the collection, with my sister’s blessing. Our daughters—especially our younger daughter—enjoyed playing with them. And now they are stored in a large plastic box under a bed. I’ve been wondering if it’s time to sell them, given the Barbie craze. But I’m not sure if I’m ready to let them go.

P.S: Just a note, if you’ve read this far (thank you!), that I’ll be taking a break for the next three weeks. Enjoy the rest of August and see you in September.

Image: “Barbie’s first clothing designer Charlotte Johnson posing with 1965 Barbie doll model,” by Nelson Tiffany, May 13, 1964, UCLA Libary Digital Collections.

Evelyn Herwitz blogs weekly about living fully with chronic disease, the inside of baseballs, turtles and frogs, J.S. Bach, the meaning of life and whatever else she happens to be thinking about at livingwithscleroderma.com. Please view Privacy Policy here.

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Filed Under: Body, Mind, Touch Tagged With: body-mind balance, mindfulness, resilience

Off Kilter

Evelyn Herwitz · August 1, 2023 · 4 Comments

I lost a friend last week. Joanna battled a deadly form of cancer, mesothelioma, for more than three years, with incredible courage, strength, pluck, and humor. She survived a high risk research trial this past spring that initially seemed to shrink her tumors, only to have them rage back within weeks. She had just begun another research trial, but the cancer had progressed too far. She died, surrounded by loved ones, Wednesday night. She was only 47.

When I learned the news from her husband’s heart-wrenching post on her Caring Bridge journal Thursday morning, I felt gut-punched. As her rabbi said at her funeral on Sunday, how could someone with such a powerful will to live be gone? It made no sense. It felt so wrong. A friend wrote in the comments to her husband’s message that a light had gone out in the universe. I felt the same.

I met Joanna nine years ago in a Jewish text study class. We were exploring Mussar, teachings and practices about different “soul traits,” such as compassion, patience, gratitude, order. As is the way in Jewish text study, we each had a study partner, and Joanna and I became a pair.

One afternoon in November, the two of us went to the local art museum to dig into the week’s soul trait, balance, which involves moderation, finding the middle path between extremes. Being not only a ballerina, artist, and yogi, Joanna also held a PhD in astronomy. As we wandered through the galleries, seeking ways to understand the meaning of balance, she brought a unique set of ideas to our conversation. Fortunately, I had written everything down in a journal, which I found Sunday after returning home from her funeral.

Rereading those notes, I felt as if she were still there, telling me just what I needed to hear after days of feeling so off kilter—that balance is not a static state. When you balance on one foot, it’s a process of constant readjustments, minuscule shifts in muscle and bone. Maintaining balance requires the offsetting of opposing forces. Physics dictates that both are necessary. Gravity, explained Joanna, causes all planets to be spherical, because gravity pulls mass toward a central point. And, we concluded, centeredness is essential for wholeness.

My notes of our conversation also reminded me that balance does not mean moderate amounts of everything. Achieving balance is different for each individual, a little of this, a lot of that, a combination of all factors in their proper relative proportions. And it’s not, by definition, symmetrical. The best example: a Calder mobile.

Unlike Joanna, who could balance so gracefully en pointe and hold perfect yoga poses, I can barely stand on one foot without falling. But I know exactly what she meant by all the tiny muscular adjustments that my foot and leg try to make to hold still. Balance is most certainly not a steady state. Even Calder mobiles flutter and twirl with the slightest movement of air.

In the weeks and months to come, when I think of Joanna, I’ll be thinking of all that I learned from her as I try to regain my sense of balance. She was a great teacher, at heart. She still is. May her memory be for a blessing.

Evelyn Herwitz blogs weekly about living fully with chronic disease, the inside of baseballs, turtles and frogs, J.S. Bach, the meaning of life and whatever else she happens to be thinking about at livingwithscleroderma.com. Please view Privacy Policy here.

Image: Colton Sturgeon

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Filed Under: Body, Hearing, Mind, Sight, Touch Tagged With: body-mind balance, managing chronic disease, mindfulness, resilience

Art in the Park

Evelyn Herwitz · July 25, 2023 · 2 Comments

What could be more pleasant on a beautiful summer Sunday afternoon than a stroll through our Fair City’s oldest park to view sculptures on display? It’s an annual event that we always look forward to, and this year’s exhibition is one of the best I’ve seen.

To the clatter of teens practicing skateboard tricks, the click of dominoes accompanied by Latin music adrift on a breeze, and exhortations by a man in a tan suit preaching gospel, Al and I wandered through Worcester’s Elm Park admiring artworks. Here are my favorites. Enjoy!

“Deer” by Jose Criollo
Recycled tools, chains, and metal machines

 

“The Feather” by Kirk Seese
Steel, MDO, UV links, acrylic sealer

 

“Whirlwind 1,2,3” by David Skora
Fabricated and polychromed welded steel

 

“SOS Swimmers” by A+J Art + Design
Polyurethane foam, paint, anchoring system

 

“Chirp, Chirp!” by Chandler Magnet Elementary School, 6th Grade
Ann Villareal & Rachel Gately, Teachers; Donna E. Rudek, M.Ed., Artist

 

“Mary’s Machine” by James DiSilvestro
Cast iron sewing machine, shaped steel, paint

 

“Ancestor” by Madeleine Lord
Welded steel scraps

 

“Disk” by Vicente Garcia
Self-rusting steel plate, rebar

Evelyn Herwitz blogs weekly about living fully with chronic disease, the inside of baseballs, turtles and frogs, J.S. Bach, the meaning of life and whatever else she happens to be thinking about at livingwithscleroderma.com. Please view Privacy Policy here.

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Filed Under: Body, Mind, Sight Tagged With: body-mind balance, mindfulness, resilience

And She Persisted

Evelyn Herwitz · July 11, 2023 · Leave a Comment

It is really hard to be patient. Especially now, when we’re so accustomed to getting immediate answers at the click of a keystroke. Especially when it comes to ambiguous health issues with no ready solution in sight.

But I have a different context for this observation, as I write on a rainy Monday morning. Please bear with me.

I have been working on a novel since fall 2014. Set in World War I, it’s about a widow whose estranged daughter runs off with her beau to volunteer for the French medical service, and the mother’s journey to find her and bring her home. You can read more about it here. For the past year-and-a-half, I’ve been looking for a literary agent who will help me get published. It’s a very long slog.

I’ve gotten some bites and requests for parts or all of the manuscript, only to have the agent reject it (“I didn’t fall in love”) or in one case, ghost me for the better part of a year after promising to read it. I’ve worked on the language and plot some more, completing the eleventh draft this spring. I feel confident it is my best work. But the book publishing world is highly competitive, and it is very hard for a debut author to get her toe in the door, let alone a whole foot.

It takes a ton of patience. And confidence. And a really thick hide. Earlier today, I spoke with a published author of multiple novels who was kind enough to read the manuscript for me and give me some feedback. It’s taken the better part of a year for us to connect. Worth the wait, because he was very encouraging, told me no need for any more revisions, just focus on getting it published. He had some good suggestions that confirmed my strategy going forward and also gave me a few other helpful tips. Most of all, he likened the process to starting a small business, which resonated for me, having wrestled through that experience years ago to launch my marketing consultancy. “A year-and-a-half is nothing,” he added.

It’s all about managing expectations, which is true of most challenging problems. American culture places a premium on speed, youth, and instant gratification—none of which has much value for solving a really difficult issue. Getting my novel published will take more time and research, many more queries, and a resolve to keep going even in the face of multiple rejections.

Managing an elusive disease with no known cure, like scleroderma, takes a lifetime of learning to manage symptoms, find the right medical team, build partnerships with health care professionals, practice a healthful lifestyle, get help for depression and other mental health challenges that arise in the course of such complexity, and find ways to live fully with the disease. For starters.

It takes a mother-lode of patience. For you, Dear Reader, that is what I wish on this rainy Monday morning.

Evelyn Herwitz blogs weekly about living fully with chronic disease, the inside of baseballs, turtles and frogs, J.S. Bach, the meaning of life and whatever else she happens to be thinking about at livingwithscleroderma.com. Please view Privacy Policy here.

Image: Nathan Dumlao

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Filed Under: Body, Hearing, Mind, Sight, Smell, Taste, Touch Tagged With: body-mind balance, managing chronic disease, mindfulness, resilience

On a Lighter Note

Evelyn Herwitz · June 20, 2023 · 4 Comments

I am back home since last Tuesday evening, our daughter is on the mend in Philly, thank goodness, and I’m nearly caught up with work, writing, volunteer activities, and keeping up with everything else that I need to keep up with. So, it was definitely time to do something fun this weekend. Al is skilled at finding hidden gems that are not far away, and for Father’s Day, he suggested we visit Forest Park in Springfield, Mass., one of the nation’s largest municipal parks, built in the late 19th century. I’m a fan of park design from that era, so we were were good to go.

I added to the mix another suggestion: a visit to Springfield’s The Amazing World of Dr. Seuss Museum, which commemorates the life and whimsy of Theodor Geisel, aka Dr. Seuss, one of Springfield’s most celebrated citizens. And that turned up another fun fact: Springfield has four other wonderful museums in the same lovely location, and admission to one is admission to all. So we added in a visit to the Michele and Donald D’Amour Museum of Fine Arts.

The best part of the Dr. Seuss Museum was having Al read to me, in his inimitable way, two books that neither of us had ever read before: There’s a Wocket in My Pocket! (1974), replete with delightful made-up rhyming words about a surprising cast of creatures hiding in a little boy’s house, and I Had Trouble in Getting to Solla Sollew (1965), an odyssey of mishaps that pokes fun at the idea that anything in life is free of troubles. Too true.

My favorite painting at the D’Amour Museum was a powerful acrylic on paper, Disappearing Forest 1, by Marlene Yu, all the more meaningful, given the Canadian wildfires. Then there were roses in Forest Park and the mysterious sphynxes guarding the dramatic mausoleum to Everett Barney, who donated much of the land for the park.

As always, I hope you enjoy my photos from our day. And watch out for those Wosets in your closets. . . . They’re actually rather charming.

Evelyn Herwitz blogs weekly about living fully with chronic disease, the inside of baseballs, turtles and frogs, J.S. Bach, the meaning of life and whatever else she happens to be thinking about at livingwithscleroderma.com. Please view Privacy Policy here.

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Filed Under: Hearing, Mind, Sight, Smell Tagged With: body-mind balance, mindfulness, resilience, travel

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About the Writer

When not writing about living fully with chronic health challenges, Evelyn Herwitz helps her marketing clients tell great stories about their good works. She would love to win a MacArthur grant and write fiction all day. Read More…

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I am not a doctor . . .

. . . and don’t play one on TV. While I strive for accuracy based on my 40-plus years of living with scleroderma, none of what I write should be taken as medical advice for your specific condition.

Scleroderma manifests uniquely in each individual. Please seek expert medical care. You’ll find websites with links to medical professionals in Resources.

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