• Mind
  • Body
  • Sight
  • Hearing
  • Smell
  • Taste
  • Touch
  • Skip to primary navigation
  • Skip to main content
  • Skip to primary sidebar

Living with Scleroderma

Reflections on the Messy Complexity of Chronicity

  • Home
  • About
    • Privacy Policy
  • What Is Scleroderma?
  • Resources
  • Show Search
Hide Search

Sight

Fallout

Evelyn Herwitz · November 17, 2015 · 6 Comments

IMG_0121When I was in grammar school, in the mid ‘60s, we used to have air raid drills. We would file out of our classrooms, line up along the hallway, crouch down facing the walls and place one arm under our foreheads and the other over the backs of our heads.

We had to stay there, silently, for a few minutes, until our principal gave the all clear. Someone would inevitably get a nose bleed, and someone else would be reprimanded for talking, but most of us did as we were told, without questioning. When it was over, we’d troop back to our desks to practice cursive writing on blue lined paper or recite multiplication tables, not giving it much more thought.

For our teachers and parents, of course, these drills were deadly serious—albeit a totally ineffective effort to protect us children if the H-bomb ever dropped on New York City, just an hour to the south, or on the nearby ConEd nuclear power plant at Indian Point on the Hudson.

One neighbor down the street built a fallout shelter and proudly gave us a tour. I thought it looked like a fun adventure to live there, in the well-equipped underground room, with its bunk beds and stocks of canned food. It inspired me, for a class project, to build a model fallout shelter out of sugar cubes and Elmer’s glue, with furniture made out of colorful construction paper. This was how I processed the insanity of those times, not understanding the implications—and, very, very fortunately, never having to come to grips with the reality that the fallout shelter represented.

Our neighbors were the only ones to go to those extremes. I don’t recall their names, but the parents were from France. It was a mere 20 years since World War II had ended.

Wars, fear of wars, now the brutal face of terrorism, haunt each generation. It is a disease we cannot seem to escape, this instinct to destroy, to dehumanize and crush “the other” to gain power, control. Last week’s horrific attacks on innocents in Paris capped a week of bloodshed around the world, including a bombing in Beirut and a slaughter of university students in Nairobi. It seems endless, and the threat that the Islamic State now poses to the world weighs heavily on my mind, as I am sure the threat of Mutually Assured Destruction kept my mother awake at night.

The Parisian attacks feel particularly close, because the targeted restaurants and concert hall are only a ten minute walk from the apartment where Al and I stayed on our trip in July. I have written to our Air B&B hostess, to express our support and best wishes, but have yet to hear back. I hope her silence is only because she missed my email.

I try to reassure myself that, ultimately, over the course of history, the perpetrators of evil  are undone. But it will take cooperation, shared intelligence and resources, strategic force, justice, courage and a commitment to the greater good of all humanity to cure our global society of this terrible terrorist scourge. Xenophobia has no place here—it only accelerates the spread of the disease. Refugees from terror need asylum, not blame for perpetrating the very horrors they are fleeing.

Eradicating terrorism will require decades of patience and determination. There are no quick, facile solutions, as some of our politicians would have us believe during this season of presidential so-called debates. To fall prey to that delusional thinking is akin to believing that crouching in a school corridor is adequate protection against a nuclear attack.

In response to all the cynicism and bellicosity that pervades the news in the wake of the attacks, I draw on our European travels this summer for an antidote. Everywhere we went, strangers helped us. Just as we thought we were lost, someone would point us in the right direction or give us a lift. When we were tired, someone would offer to carry our bags. Most people are basically goodhearted. Dark as the world feels today, the odds for defeating this latest face of evil are in our favor.

Evelyn Herwitz blogs weekly about living fully with chronic disease, the inside of baseballs, turtles and frogs, J.S. Bach, the meaning of life and whatever else she happens to be thinking about at livingwithscleroderma.com.

Share this:

  • Share
  • Click to email a link to a friend (Opens in new window) Email
  • Click to print (Opens in new window) Print
  • Click to share on Facebook (Opens in new window) Facebook
  • Click to share on X (Opens in new window) X
  • Click to share on LinkedIn (Opens in new window) LinkedIn

Filed Under: Body, Hearing, Mind, Sight Tagged With: resilience, travel

Machu Picchu

Evelyn Herwitz · October 27, 2015 · 1 Comment

Ever since Al and I went to Europe this past summer, I’ve been dreaming of our next trip. No specifics, yet, just a yearning to see more of the world.

machu-picchu-1369310-640x480Like Machu Picchu in Peru. My podiatrist was telling me about his recent visit while he worked on my corns and calluses and ingrown toenail last week⎯a somewhat helpful distraction, as my feet are incredibly sensitive and this was otherwise not a fun appointment.

He described the ancient Incan ruins in a similar way that I’ve heard from others⎯a very spiritual space, beautiful, fascinating history (albeit tragic, given the fate of the Incas as a result of the Spanish Conquest). And he shared pictures on his iPhone, of extraordinary vistas and smiling llamas. Only a five-and-a-half hour flight from Miami.

Very intriguing. Except for one problem. The altitude is about 8,000 feet. My podiatrist is a big, muscular guy, and had no issues with altitude sickness (for which he was quite grateful). He said he was running around like a little kid, he was so excited to be there. But some people on the trip got very sick and needed oxygen.

How would I manage that altitude (assuming we could even afford the trip, which I haven’t bothered to check) with my scarred lungs? The highest mountain I have visited, as best I can recall, is Mount Washington in New Hampshire, just over 6,000 feet. The body begins to react to altitude right around 8,000 feet. Lack of oxygen can cause fatigue, loss of appetite, trouble sleeping and other issues.

There is also the risk of infection from water supplies that are not treated. I have enough issues with bacteria getting into my ulcers here at home, let alone in a place where you can’t drink the water. How would I keep my hands clean?

Right now, of course, this is all just a pipe dream. I know there are ways to acclimate your body to altitude, gradually, and there are medications that can help. I’m sure there are strategies for hand hygiene, if I were determined enough to figure it out.

But there is also the reality of scaling my travel ambitions to my body’s limitations. There are so many places I’d like to see, on every continent. Even Antarctica. In December, the temperature on the Antarctic Peninsula is about the same as it is here in New England (yes, I’ve checked). Going to Antarctica is the closest you can get to an experience akin to going to the Moon.

Not all of those dreams are possible, health-wise or financially. So, I’ll continue to explore options, right now from the safety of my computer screen. I don’t know where we’ll travel next, and it probably won’t be Machu Picchu. But it will be someplace exciting, inspiring and a push outside my comfort zone. Of that, I am determined. It’s the only way to keep growing.

Evelyn Herwitz blogs weekly about living fully with chronic disease, the inside of baseballs, turtles and frogs, J.S. Bach, the meaning of life and whatever else she happens to be thinking about at livingwithscleroderma.com.

Image Credit: Julio Sedano Acosta

Share this:

  • Share
  • Click to email a link to a friend (Opens in new window) Email
  • Click to print (Opens in new window) Print
  • Click to share on Facebook (Opens in new window) Facebook
  • Click to share on X (Opens in new window) X
  • Click to share on LinkedIn (Opens in new window) LinkedIn

Filed Under: Body, Hearing, Mind, Sight Tagged With: managing chronic disease, resilience, travel, vacation

Ghoulish

Evelyn Herwitz · October 20, 2015 · 3 Comments

It’s less than two weeks until Halloween, and my neighbors are ready. As I took my walk this weekend (no small feat, given that the temperature plummeted into the 40s and I really had to push myself out the door), it seemed as if holiday decorations had sprouted overnight.

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERAThere were pumpkins, of course, and cornstalks and potted chrysanthemums in autumn hues, along with gauzy cobwebs wrapped around shrubs. But the big trend this year appears to be lawns planted with miniature tombstones. Forget the little orange lights. Mocking death is all the rage. One neighbor even had three human-size skeletons crawling up their house.

The ghoulishness is intentional, of course, and done in a playful spirit. Nonetheless, I find it ironic, to say the least. We as a society invest so much money and effort trying to avoid and hide the realities of illness, aging and death, that it’s startling to see homes decked out in ersatz graves. Perhaps it’s just one more form of denial. If you make death a joke, it can’t get you.

That impulse is as old as humankind. But as Halloween becomes more commercialized and deathly decorations become more ubiquitous, just another way to jumpstart the Christmas shopping season, the butt of the joke—our very mortal vulnerability—becomes trivialized.

We all live with numbered days, whether we want to admit it or not. Those of us who  live daily with chronic disease are significantly more aware of our mortality, often at a younger age, than those who have the good fortune of excellent health. It’s easy to make light of death when it still seems far off.

This is not to say that death is not fair game for humor and a sense of the absurd. Our ability to laugh at the things that frighten us the most is one of our greatest wells of resilience.

I simply don’t see the point of pretending there are dead bodies buried in your front lawn or some poor soul hanging from your maple tree. (I noticed the latter as we drove along a country road on Sunday, and for a split, horrified second, I thought the fake, stuffed body was real.) It not only fails to amuse me; I find it disquieting that someone would mount a skeleton on their house without thinking about what it really symbolizes.

Maybe I’m just getting crankier as I get older. Maybe it’s just getting too cold and too dark, too soon, as we head deeper into fall.

On the other hand, imagine what good could be accomplished if all that money spent on promoting and buying ridiculous Halloween decorations were invested into serious medical research to find cures for rare diseases like scleroderma. Now, that would be a reason to celebrate.

Evelyn Herwitz blogs weekly about living fully with chronic disease, the inside of baseballs, turtles and frogs, J.S. Bach, the meaning of life and whatever else she happens to be thinking about at livingwithscleroderma.com.

Image Credit: Cathy Smith

Share this:

  • Share
  • Click to email a link to a friend (Opens in new window) Email
  • Click to print (Opens in new window) Print
  • Click to share on Facebook (Opens in new window) Facebook
  • Click to share on X (Opens in new window) X
  • Click to share on LinkedIn (Opens in new window) LinkedIn

Filed Under: Body, Mind, Sight Tagged With: holidays, managing chronic disease, mortality, resilience

A Walk in the Woods

Evelyn Herwitz · October 13, 2015 · 2 Comments

The leaves are turning later this autumn. Warm weather through September has delayed our annual New England spectacle. The sugar maples are just beginning to splash streets and forests with their glorious golds and oranges and crimsons. And the brightest leaves are just beginning to fall, as they must, as the flow of sap slows and the trees harden off for the winter ahead.

photoWith the trees’ annual cycle of endings have come losses for friends. Three have bid goodbye to parents in the past few weeks–aged 89 to 98. It’s been a time of cooking for shiva meals, joining in evening prayers, hearing stories of long lives, well lived. The last funeral was yesterday, October 12.

Yesterday would have been my mother’s 93rd birthday. She died 16 years ago. She always enjoyed the fall. As leader of our Girl Scout troop when I was in grade school, she took us on camping trips in the woods, where we would sleep in big canvas tents pitched over wooden platforms. I’m sure those adventures nurtured my love of walking in the forest, especially at the height of autumn.

I was thinking of her as Al and I hiked in a nearby state forest on Sunday. My joints began to ache and my legs were heavy by the time we emerged from the trails, but the view and the scent and the refreshing air were worth it. So, Mom, these pictures from our hike are for you. Rest in peace.

photo copy 3

photo copy 6

photo copy red leaves

photo copy 5

photo copy tree stump

photo copy 4

photo copy 2

photo copy

Evelyn Herwitz blogs weekly about living fully with chronic disease, the inside of baseballs, turtles and frogs, J.S. Bach, the meaning of life and whatever else she happens to be thinking about at livingwithscleroderma.com.

Share this:

  • Share
  • Click to email a link to a friend (Opens in new window) Email
  • Click to print (Opens in new window) Print
  • Click to share on Facebook (Opens in new window) Facebook
  • Click to share on X (Opens in new window) X
  • Click to share on LinkedIn (Opens in new window) LinkedIn

Filed Under: Body, Mind, Sight, Smell Tagged With: body-mind balance, exercise, mindfulness, resilience

Moose Tracks

Evelyn Herwitz · October 6, 2015 · Leave a Comment

Last Friday, a moose found its way to a street in our neighborhood, a few blocks from our house. It was clearly lost, an adolescent with only the beginnings of antlers, wandering past Colonials and Capes, trying to find its way back home.

(If you can’t see the embedded video, click here to see it on YouTube. Video by A. Stephenson, 10-2-15.)

I missed all the excitement, but apparently the moose caused quite a stir, galumphing across busy streets, passing near the campus of Worcester Polytech, and eventually disappearing somewhere into the woods. Police and animal protection services followed it all day without capturing it. The moose got away, but not before it made the evening news in Boston.

Friends were talking about it over the weekend, sharing a video of the wayward moose on YouTube. People interviewed on the TV report smiled with excitement at the idea of seeing a moose strolling through the city. For a brief moment, we all forgot our adult worries and cares. Just the notion of a moose on the loose—harmless enough as long as it didn’t cause any property damage or car accidents—turned us all into little kids.

Somehow this seemed a fitting end to a week that began with a lunar eclipse. Viewing conditions were perfect here the previous Sunday, as we stood outside with friends and watched the moon transition from a brilliant spotlight in the dark night sky to a copper penny. As we gazed skyward, we sang Moon River and Shine on Harvest Moon and Moon Over Miami—every moon song we could remember.

A sense of wonder is a powerful antidote to all the sad, bad, upsetting news in the world. There is always more than enough to worry about—another school shooting, extreme weather, wars, disfunctional politics—and, closer to home, the day-to-day pressures of work and challenges of managing my health.

Then there is the big annual adjustment to fall. Cold, rainy weather this past week dampened my mood. Back to sweaters and leg warmers and layers, wool coats and hats. I turned on the heat pumps for the first time in months and made oatmeal for breakfast. I tried not to think about the winter ahead.

So it was refreshing, once the rain finally ended, to go out for a walk and retrace part of the path that the moose had followed, which is along my normal route. No signs of the recent visitor, but the maples are beginning to turn the color of a lunar eclipse. Acorns and small red crabapples carpet the sidewalks and streets. I noticed a squirrel digging in a flowerpot on a porch, as a dog inside barked madly. It made me laugh. I’m not sure why. Something about the innocence of it all—squirrel taunts dog, dog gets upset, squirrel ignores it and keep doing its thing.

A moose wanders down a quiet city street, looking for home. No one shoots it, except with a video camera. No one captures it. It dodges traffic and disappears into the woods, without a trace.

I wish I’d been there to see it pass by.

Evelyn Herwitz blogs weekly about living fully with chronic disease, the inside of baseballs, turtles and frogs, J.S. Bach, the meaning of life and whatever else she happens to be thinking about at livingwithscleroderma.com.

Share this:

  • Share
  • Click to email a link to a friend (Opens in new window) Email
  • Click to print (Opens in new window) Print
  • Click to share on Facebook (Opens in new window) Facebook
  • Click to share on X (Opens in new window) X
  • Click to share on LinkedIn (Opens in new window) LinkedIn

Filed Under: Body, Hearing, Mind, Sight, Touch Tagged With: body-mind balance, managing chronic disease, mindfulness, resilience

  • « Go to Previous Page
  • Page 1
  • Interim pages omitted …
  • Page 72
  • Page 73
  • Page 74
  • Page 75
  • Page 76
  • Interim pages omitted …
  • Page 97
  • Go to Next Page »

Primary Sidebar

Subscribe via Email

Enter your email address to subscribe to Living With Scleroderma and receive new posts by email. Subscriptions are free and I never share your address.

About the Writer

When not writing about living fully with chronic health challenges, Evelyn Herwitz helps her marketing clients tell great stories about their good works. She would love to win a MacArthur grant and write fiction all day. Read More…

Blog Archive

Recent Posts

  • What We Take for Granted
  • Self Pep Talk
  • Touch Type
  • Open Wider, Please
  • Long Drive for a Short Appointment

I am not a doctor . . .

. . . and don’t play one on TV. While I strive for accuracy based on my 40-plus years of living with scleroderma, none of what I write should be taken as medical advice for your specific condition.

Scleroderma manifests uniquely in each individual. Please seek expert medical care. You’ll find websites with links to medical professionals in Resources.

Copyright © 2025 · Daily Dish Pro on Genesis Framework · WordPress · Log in