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Reflections on the Messy Complexity of Chronicity

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finger ulcers

Turnover

Evelyn Herwitz · May 16, 2023 · 4 Comments

Last Friday I met my new infectious disease specialist, Dr. A. He’s very knowledgeable and experienced, chief of ID at one of our city’s major hospitals. I’m relieved to have found him as my partner for managing all-too-frequent infections in my digital ulcers, since my former ID specialist, Dr. W, retired about six months ago.

Dr. W and I had an understanding for decades that I would keep a supply of antibiotics on hand, and whenever I felt the tell-tale pain and saw the swelling and redness of an infection, I would start the meds and let him know how I was doing. Finding another experienced specialist who would agree to the same arrangement was not guaranteed, and when Dr. W retired, there was no hand-off to a colleague. So, with some help from my PCP and a number of phone calls, I was able to get a consult with Dr. A. We clicked right away, and I’m very grateful to have him as my new partner in managing this disease.

Transitioning to new physicians has become a theme of the past few years. There’s no guarantee of finding the right match. So far, I’ve been lucky.

First, my long-time rheumatologist here at home retired. He was the one who saw me back in 1985 when my symptoms emerged and was my anchor for many years. He arranged upon his retirement for me to be seen by the rheumatology department chief for our health care provider. Then came my long-time rheumatologist at Boston Medical, a gem, who also arranged for a transition to his successor before he retired. While my relationships with my new rheumatologists are still a work in progress, they are both top notch and personable, which is an essential combination. And the major advantage of the switch has been a fresh review of my medical history and some necessary diagnostics.

Next to retire was our primary care physician, who had been my doc for all the years I’ve lived here, and was Al’s, too, since we’ve been married. This time, there was no transition plan in place. In fact it was downright chaotic for a few months, until we were able to get an NP through our provider’s excellent geriatric care department. She is wonderful, and best of all, the whole practice is based on house calls. Such a pleasure to see her, together, at home, several times a year.

Recently I also had to find a new ENT plastic surgeon, because the calcium deposits that lodge on the bridge of my nose have grown back to the point of needing removal. Last time I had this procedure was five years ago, but I’ve waited until the pandemic passed to take care of it. My prior specialist moved on from Boston Medical at some point during the pandemic, and so I met my new specialist a few weeks ago. He is also head of the department, so I’m good hands with him and his team, especially since the procedure looks to be a bit more complicated this time around. He almost tried to talk me out of it, given how the skin on my nose is not that flexible, but we reached a meeting of the minds and a solution involving a skin graft. So that’s next month.

This kind of turnover is inevitable when you’ve had a chronic disease as long as I have, for more than four decades. Many of my docs were close to my age or just a few years older when we originally met. We’re all getting older. Many of my new specialists are younger than I am, though not all.

But the pandemic has definitely made transitioning from one physician to the next more difficult. Many physicians have burned out from the stress and strain on our medical system. Others seek better pay and a more manageable work-life balance than they can find here in the Northeast, where I’m told that medical salaries lag behind other regions in the country. In the Boston area, GI specialists, in particular, are apparently in short supply.

Right now, I think I’ve rebuilt my team so all bases are covered. It will take more time to build the trusting relationships I had with their predecessors. Here’s hoping they don’t move on for at least the next five years.

Evelyn Herwitz blogs weekly about living fully with chronic disease, the inside of baseballs, turtles and frogs, J.S. Bach, the meaning of life and whatever else she happens to be thinking about at livingwithscleroderma.com. Please view Privacy Policy here.

Image: Gratisography

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Filed Under: Body, Hearing, Mind, Sight, Touch Tagged With: body-mind balance, finger ulcers, managing chronic disease, physician turnover, resilience

Anticipation

Evelyn Herwitz · March 7, 2023 · 4 Comments

If all goes according to plan, next week I will be traveling to Germany to research my second novel. (Where is the first novel, you might ask? It’s in search of a literary agent, a long process. Details at my author’s website.) The second novel is set in Germany during 1928-1938, and I’m heading for Berlin, Dessau, and Munich. As we all know, when it comes to travel (and life in general) the adage “Man plans, God laughs” is often apt.

So, fingers crossed.

This is the first time I have ever ventured abroad on my own. I never traveled as a teen or young adult, with the exception of a two-week, whirlwind trip with my sister in 1973, a gift from our grandmother, who wanted us to see her German homeland and get a taste of Europe. We traveled by Eurailpass, back when it was really cheap to go First Class, from London to Berlin (we took the train-ferry across the English Channel to Belgium, then flew into Berlin since access was limited because the country and city were still divided), and on from Berlin to Copenhagen, Amsterdam, Zurich, and Paris. We stayed in youth hostels, dragged our suitcases everywhere, saw a lot, but decided to come home a few days early because we were totally exhausted.

In recent years, Al and I have traveled to Israel and made several wonderful trips to Europe, plus a lovely visit to Canada this past summer, and I’ve gained a lot of experience with travel planning. With this trip, I’m putting all of that to good use. I’ve cleared my plan with my entire medical team, who have been universally supportive and encouraging. And Al and our daughter are, as ever, supportive, too.

After all the restrictions of the pandemic and the past couple of years trying to figure out what exactly has been going on with my heart and lungs, I am both grateful to be feeling up for the adventure and trying my best to stay healthy prior to and during my travels. More than just a trip I’ve been dreaming of for several years and planning for months, this is a personal-best challenge to myself. I need to know, as I approach my 69th birthday next month, that I can just do it.

So, if all goes according to plan, I will be taking a break from writing here for a few weeks. I hope to have some great stories and photos to share when I’m back at the end of the month. In the meantime, Dear Reader, be well.

Evelyn Herwitz blogs weekly about living fully with chronic disease, the inside of baseballs, turtles and frogs, J.S. Bach, the meaning of life and whatever else she happens to be thinking about at livingwithscleroderma.com. Please view Privacy Policy here.

Image: Stefan Widua

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Filed Under: Body, Hearing, Mind, Sight, Smell, Taste, Touch Tagged With: body-mind balance, finger ulcers, managing chronic disease, mindfulness, resilience, stress, travel

On Managing Pain

Evelyn Herwitz · February 28, 2023 · 2 Comments

About six years ago, I developed deep, intransigent ulcers on five fingers that eventually caused irreversible damage to both hands. It was quite an odyssey, which involved two hand surgeries and 60 dives in a hyperbaric oxygen (HBO) chamber to heal. My 2017 account of the saga begins here.

I was in severe pain as my hands literally fell apart, which I was able to manage partly with medication. But I also used a meditation routine that I found on Headspace to help. The process involves focusing on sensations just beyond the locus of pain and gradually learning to isolate the specific spot that is causing such discomfort. It remains an important lesson in how pain generalizes, can be deceptive, and is exacerbated by fear and stress.

Surgery and the HBO therapy resolved both the acute and chronic pain issues, but perhaps the strangest outcome of all this was some phantom pain in my right middle finger. As part of the surgery, the top joint was amputated. But I still had sensations that hovered in the air where that fingertip used to be. It wasn’t pain, so much as a weird phantom itching. I would rub the blunted end of my middle finger, but it wouldn’t stop the itching entirely. It actually has taken all this time for that phantom discomfort to now be a very rare occurrence, as my brain has rewired to understand how my finger has permanently changed shape.

I share this because I recently listened to a fascinating podcast about pain management that explains my experience. In an interview with Ezra Klein, Dr. Rachel Zoffness, a pain psychologist at the University of California at San Francisco’s school of medicine, discusses the complex interactions between mind, body, and social cues that create the sensation of pain. She is very clear that pain is our body’s warning system of danger and physical damage, but that pain is also a function of our brain’s map of the body, and that the brain does not always truly know when danger is no longer present. This can be a significant factor, particularly, in managing chronic pain.

Pain management is a skill set for living with scleroderma, certainly, but also for life. So, here is the interview and a transcript. I hope you find it as illuminating as I did. Be well.

Evelyn Herwitz blogs weekly about living fully with chronic disease, the inside of baseballs, turtles and frogs, J.S. Bach, the meaning of life and whatever else she happens to be thinking about at livingwithscleroderma.com. Please view Privacy Policy here.

Image:  Santiago Ramón y Cajal nerve cells ca. 1900

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Filed Under: Body, Mind, Touch Tagged With: body-mind balance, finger ulcers, hand surgery, hands, managing chronic disease, pain management, resilience

Oscillations

Evelyn Herwitz · February 21, 2023 · Leave a Comment

It’s that time of year here in New England when the temperatures ripple like a sine wave. One day it’s in the 40s, then we slide into the 30s and even the 20s, then up to the 50s. As I write this afternoon on President’s Day, it’s a relatively balmy 54°F. Later this week we’re expecting snow showers, and the weekend promises to be frigid.

Al is more sanguine about this than I am. “It’s winter,” he says, with a shrug.

So I layer up my sweaters and shed them as warranted. My fingers are cracking, like a sidewalk that shrinks and expands with winter’s thaw. I’m using up more bandages, as I always do this time of year.

The transition to spring is always the toughest on my digital ulcers, harder than in the coldest months, when the cold is more constant. At least, it used to be. With climate change comes more temperature ups and downs. A geographer friend once told me that our weather here in Massachusetts will become more like Virginia’s, and Maine’s will become more like ours used to be. His prediction seems prescient. So far, we’ve only had one short stretch of Arctic temps this season and hardly any snow.

I am profoundly concerned about the implications of a warming planet and am devoting volunteer hours to my city, helping to mitigate the effects of climate change locally. But, I must admit, my hands don’t mind. It’s selfish of me, but these milder winters are just easier to manage, without our having to move south. The transition to spring and summer will always be a challenge, because it’s the relative temperature change that plagues my ulcers. But shorter spurts of bitter cold? Less snow and ice? I’ll take it.

Life is a series of adjustments. Some we can predict. Others, we can’t. The older I get, the more I realize that staying nimble in the face of all that we can’t control is crucial to resilience.

And so, with just one more week of February ahead, as daylight grows notably longer and the switch to Daylight Savings Time looms on the horizon, I will continue to layer up and shed and layer up again, tend my fingers, and make sure I have a full inventory of bandages and other dressings. I can’t change the weather, but I can surf the sine waves.

Evelyn Herwitz blogs weekly about living fully with chronic disease, the inside of baseballs, turtles and frogs, J.S. Bach, the meaning of life and whatever else she happens to be thinking about at livingwithscleroderma.com. Please view Privacy Policy here.

Image: Pittigrilli

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Filed Under: Body, Mind, Sight, Touch Tagged With: finger ulcers, hands, how to stay warm, managing chronic disease, mindfulness, resilience

Almost Autumn

Evelyn Herwitz · September 6, 2022 · 2 Comments

With Labor Day behind us and schools here already in session, it’s starting to feel like fall. The maples on our street began to drop leaves, a few at a time, in mid-August. A week post our vacation, the days are noticeably shorter, with sunset at about quarter past seven.

I find this time of year bittersweet. It’s hard to let go of summer, even as it’s a relief to be out of the 90+ degree Fahrenheit heat wave and soupy humidity of the weeks before our travels. At the same time, with schools in session, everyone back from vacations, and the Jewish New Year right around the corner, fall is always about new beginnings. Even as trees go bare, they are storing sugar for the long winter ahead and forming new buds.

We have one more big family celebration coming up this weekend, and then it’s time to focus, once again, on work and writing and election season, on putting away summer clothes and getting back into layers, on birds migrating south and trees hardening off. I’ve gotten away with only my thumbs in bandages for several months, and I know that is about to change as the temperatures drop and more ulcers appear. So it goes.

To everything there is a season . . .

(Click the link, above, if you can’t see the embedded video of Turn! Turn! Turn! with Judy Collins and Pete Seeger.)

Evelyn Herwitz blogs weekly about living fully with chronic disease, the inside of baseballs, turtles and frogs, J.S. Bach, the meaning of life and whatever else she happens to be thinking about at livingwithscleroderma.com. Please view Privacy Policy here.

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Filed Under: Body, Hearing, Mind, Sight, Touch Tagged With: body-mind balance, finger ulcers, hands, managing chronic disease, mindfulness, resilience

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About the Writer

When not writing about living fully with chronic health challenges, Evelyn Herwitz helps her marketing clients tell great stories about their good works. She would love to win a MacArthur grant and write fiction all day. Read More…

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Recent Posts

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I am not a doctor . . .

. . . and don’t play one on TV. While I strive for accuracy based on my 40-plus years of living with scleroderma, none of what I write should be taken as medical advice for your specific condition.

Scleroderma manifests uniquely in each individual. Please seek expert medical care. You’ll find websites with links to medical professionals in Resources.

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